Shinybass Journal entry 09/11/22

Therapy 101.

That’s where we are, currently. I don’t mean that I’m on a couch right now, texting these words into my phone as a counselor does a deep dive into my 13 year-old self and wonders why I didn’t stand up for myself more when I was picked on. No, this, these words, as I type, are my therapy. As well as a few other things.

Music. Music is my therapy. I wake up just about every morning before dawn and sit at my desk and create. I don’t know what I am creating, except something that makes me push myself, and find different ways to use these 12 crazy notes or all these fancy English words. It’s a puzzle I will never complete, and I am perfectly fine with that. I’ve been afforded many amazing tools to make this music and prose, and as I sit and gaze around the room at my tools of the trade, I am grateful. I am a lucky boy.

Why therapy, Steve? What are we feeling? Well, when you switch gears after 11 or so years, there’s going to be inevitable big feelings. I was looking at some old photos just yesterday with one of my boys, and holy cow there have been a lot of miles logged under these shoes. And it’s awesome, and again, I am grateful.

And to clear any misconception: I AM NOT RETIRED. Retired is something where you can just hang out and sip lemonade all day and watch Matlock from the couch. Which is kinda what it’s like on tour, really. And to be honest, doctor, that’s one of the reasons I needed to take a break. I can’t sit, I can’t rest (hence why I am typing this at 5:30 AM), and I have a lot of ‘me’ things to work on. On some tours you can try to carve out time to get things done, but on mine it was difficult. I found myself getting frustrated at not being able to get musical ideas out, or to work on the things I wanted to do, and I was passing up in-town work and missing events that I just didn’t want to have to say no to anymore.

And ‘Reason One’ I hopped off the bus was the family. First and foremost. I wanted to be more present, more involved, and I certainly can’t help from the middle of a cornfield 4 states away. Plus, for now I’ve seen my share of cornfields. I want to see some soccer fields. Yesterday I was up early filling water bottles and went to bed late last night after drying shoes and EZ up tents from a rainy Saturday. That to me makes more sense than anything else right now.

I keep using the terms ‘right now’ because there is a lot of rocket fuel left in my tank. I will be back on a bus, albeit for shorter stints, and I’ll be taking pictures of gumbo from all angles before we know it.

How’s life away from the road? Well, it’s only been a couple of weeks, really, but some of my immediate ‘plus column’ check marks probably read like this: At home I can lock down the strange smells, whereas on the bus, they just sort of linger. And I don’t have to brush my teeth or pee in a moving vehicle. Of course, Mardi Gras is just around the corner so give that one time. I can sit in silence first thing in the morning. That’s kinda nice. And there is a LOT less BBQ in my diet. Let’s hope that adds some years to my not-retired life.

More plus sides : Kid school pickup and drop-off every day. Lots of extra tickles are being doled out as Daddy Monster roams the once quieted hallways. I can walk in my office and make music any time I desire. My trainer isn’t letting up. I am able to actually see friends in town, and I am carving out a life for me, not so much for someone else.

The down side of being off the road? Well, not exploring curiosities in other area codes. That is one thing I miss. And other than that? Well, I do miss the sound of my bass through really big speakers at sound check. But honestly, that part of my day was about 20 seconds, so now I can listen through studio headphones.

BUT IT’S ONLY BEEN TWO WEEKS.

I’ve had longer breaks from the road than two weeks for sure, so all this missing things and drama and silliness is, well, just that. Silly. Touring hasn’t been out of my life long enough for me to ‘miss’ anything, really. This is all just me sort of explaining to you, my free therapists, what the thought process is. And it maybe helps explain a little more as I pull back the curtain.

So what do we take away from any of this? I selfishly smile because if one of you made it this far in this entry, I am fortunate to have kept someone’s attention this long. In this TikTok world, that’s all I can ask. Second, if life is getting hectic or stressful, and things are changing around your head faster than you can see, and you have nowhere to turn, remember that you have the strength and the capacity to move mountains (yes, even in your later stages of life), and there is a suitable outlet for you somewhere to release the steam.

And maybe you need therapy. I’m no expert. My wife says I should go to therapy because I love to talk. She is correct. I love to talk. I also love to type and garden, so maybe we just do all that. And play more music. I can do that, too. A lot.

Ya’ll enjoy the day, be nice to each other, and take time for yourself!

See you…soon.