Shinybass journal entry 10-27-20

Dreams as a Dad…

As a Dad, we have a lot to look forward to. I don’t mean the constant ‘Dad jobs’ of running back upstairs for shoes or side-stepping LEGOS on the way to save a falling milk cup. Those jobs sort of go without saying, but in a world of pandemia (yes, I just eased that word from Spanish into English meaning ‘this world is bananas’), we may lose little insight, a little vision as to what’s really happening around us. . I mean the life that’s evolving right under our football-watching noses.

Full, unabridged, unpolished and real disclosure: I’ve played one musical show this year. One. Uño. Ichi show. So you can imagine that there is a lot bouncing around inside my head, not unlike every other person in the entertainment industry. First, the sad part: this is the fewest number shows I’ve had in a calendar year ever. Ever. Since picking up a bass and not looking back. Am I worried? Of course. Am I worried? OF COURSE. So what do we do?

Well, I’ve been doing a few other things, and the money will eventually happen again. Of this I am certain. Now, initially, I was in panic mode (which still hits occasionally), however, as time wore on, I started looking up and looking around. I realized that this is the most time I have spent with my children, on successive days, well, ever. Typically I’d be gone for 3-4 days and home for 4-3 days, then rinse and repeat (oh the irony of a shampoo reference…). So a virus hits and then I’m home. A lot. And I start to see what I’ve really been missing…

As some of you may know, our youngest son is Deaf and wears cochlear implants. In a nutshell, cochlears offer him another option for communication – it is not a ‘cure’ for hearing loss. In the process, we are in speech therapy and that has continued throughout this year. One ‘therapy’ that we have seen really take hold is just being at home and spending time with his family. It seems that I have selfishly hit the perfect storm of being home at the time when his implants have begun to ’take’, meaning that he can start to peel apart and discern what is music, speech, and just noise. It’s been an awakening, and the light bulb has been glowing brightly, which has made life just fun.

And speaking of, I’ve watched our oldest son hit that ‘hey I’m not little anymore’ stage, and things have taken off for him as well. My answers to his endless queries become more elaborate, and his mind is becoming more complex and clever by the day. We have started back to school, and we laugh the entire way to and from. It’s a great way to start and end the school day.

Those are the moments – the in-between moments – that make life, well, life. Milestones are great, believe me, and I love them just as much as the rest of you. The subtle ‘holy crap that (said something witty, figured out a new wrestling move with his brother, worms are in the house) just happened’ moments are amazing.

I did however, have two big days just recently that were both amazing (and then the subsequent in-between moments). First, we took the training wheels off Henry’s bike. He asked for help getting started, and I think I held his seat for all of 2 seconds before he just took off. I mean, gone. Like – ‘Umm, Henry, can you wait a sec so I can get Mom’. Then he and I went for a bike ride through the neighborhood. No biggie, right? Sheesh.

About a year and a half ago, I had a dream about Miles. I dreamed that he was speaking. At that point he really wasn’t very verbal, and Miles was wearing hearing aids. In my dream he had the sweetest ‘little person’ voice, and I woke up sort of sad yet hopeful. Fast forward to two days ago, and we were just getting our day started. When I first put on his ‘ears’, I typically say something relatively quiet and early-morning appropriate, just to ease him into hearing. I said a simple ‘Hi!’, to which he responded ‘Hi’ in the same crystal clear, beautiful voice that I heard in my dream some 18 months ago. I’ll give you a minute to let that soak in, as I am still basking in its glow.

It’s funny how in this strange world we want everything NOW. News, pictures, dirt, food, change, whatever. NOW. But Rome was not built in a day, nor will anything happen or get better overnight. But, with that small step approach, in time, change will happen. Growth and progress are inevitable, but only if we keep moving.

I’ve wanted to be a Dad as long as I can remember. Now that I am, I want time to stop. It won’t, of course, and in the meantime I am taking notice of as many in-between moments that I can. If you don’t see my face for a while, just know that I am telling the virus to take its time because I am…

And as for the music stuff you came here to read about? Don’t worry – that’s happening as well. You just don’t see it yet. Yet.

See you on the…internet.