Shinybass journal entry 11/29/19

How have you been, Steve?

This is the opening question that one asks in a casual hello, and unless we’re sitting for coffee or have some time, I’ll just say ‘great’. The next question is typically ‘How are the kids?’, to which I reply in a broad, general stroke ‘They are rocking’, then the next question is ‘and Miles? With the….? (voice trailing off)’ Which is cute and endearing because a lot of people want to know what is happening with Miles, yet are a little unsure as to what is involved with the cochlear implant journey. And that’s OK. Really it is.

As a good friend of mine likes to say…oof. This journal entry will take us down the last few months of our lives. It’s pretty crazy stuff, without question, and if you’ll indulge me for a few moments, I hope to give some clarity and as to what has been really happening behind these scenes of pretty Instagram pictures and witty Twitter posts. I don’t like being vague with my responses to people, however, the amount of words it would take to fully explain our lives I feel may not exist, so I smile and say everything is great. Which it really is. However, there is more to the story.

We moved into Nashville ‘proper’ on May 31. The house was in the county we needed to get Miles into and have his school funded by Metro schools. So back up just a hair, and while I am on the road, my wife is showing the previous house, keeping it clean, and getting Miles and Henry to school. Come to think of it, we were driving Henry to one school in the AM, Miles to Vanderbilt for 3 hours, then Miles back to Henry’s school to finish the day. Too much was too much, so our dogs had to be sent to Grandma’s for the time being as we navigated all the parts of the ever-moving wheel.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say that our friends who helped us move, move in, AND get settled into our new place are true blessings. We even had the help of strangers, courtesy of Kevin Packard, and we could not have been more thankful. It’s just crappy that ½ of their work went out the window a few short weeks later.

We discovered a water problem in our kitchen. As in a leak. A bad one. The kitchen and all the floors had been newly installed before we moved in, and sadly, it was all about to come out. Mold was rampant, and the leak extended past the kitchen into the living room, which meant the whole first floor was coming up and out.

So 6 weeks after we moved in to our new house, we moved into a hotel. And meanwhile, I am on the road, home a couple days, and then back out on the road. Our daily routine was kind of nuts: school, then we would shoot home for new clothes, rotate some toys and books, and try to keep the machine moving forward. At this point, Henry and Miles were at the same school full time, so we didn’t have to make multiple stops. But it was still hotel living, meaning lots of meals away from home, which just stinks. We had to take Henry’s ‘First Day of Pre-K’ photo on the outside landing of the hotel room.

On a side note: Do you realize just how much BROWN food is served out there? Not pretty green and yellow and orange, but brown. Hamburgers, chicken, fries, hashbrowns, tacos, BBQ, biscuits, meat loaf, pancakes, etc, etc. I guess colors come at a premium. Anyhow, after eating so much garbage, I just want to eat kale, almonds, and fresh pineapple. Like 24 hours a day.

So we are hopping all over town, meeting with contractors, getting the kids everywhere, Miles to his audiology and therapy appointments, all the while trying not to get yelled at too much for having two kids jumping on the hotel beds at 8PM. After 2 different extended stay hotels, I wanted to get home, so we made a makeshift kitchen in our playroom and ‘moved’ back into the second floor.

This was a blessing and a curse, simply because we couldn’t really go downstairs, and we were confined to one communal area. The whole time we really tried to stay positive: at least we have a roof, each other, and food to eat. As the hurricane hit The Bahamas, it was easier to keep things in perspective.

As all this house and touring stuff is going on, we were getting some reports that Miles’ development isn’t hitting the right points on the chart. The only reason we are doing, well, any of this, is for him. And God bless Henry, the best big brother ever for enduring so much so that we can take care of his brother. So to hear this news in the middle of a half-livable house after driving thousands of miles to Vandy, etc, is a little tough to take.

But again, if you ever want perspective, a whole lot of it, just sit in the lobby at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital and think about what great lengths some parents must go through for their kids. So we forge ahead, as best we can.

I won’t bore you with the stressful setbacks from the contractors, or the painfully slow process of this whole thing, but I will say this: our insurance company absolutely hit it out of the park and was amazing, so it was great to have them in our court.

So from a musical standpoint what happened for me during this prolonged down time? Well, little. My studio was packed up, my gear was packed and essentially what I had going on is that I go play shows on the road. I had days when I wouldn’t go near an instrument. Talk about a stressful time. I just wanted to create again. I didn’t care if it was good or bad, but not being able to make a few notes on tape was slowly burning me from the inside out.

I tried to maintain some inspiration during this time, and jot down important thoughts, lyrics, poems, and memories, whatever. It’s hard to translate inspiration into something tangible with no real outlet. It’s not like I have a band or anything. No one will ever see them except me, which is OK, but I felt I had to open my mind again in the middle of the kids and house stuff going on.

And you know, some of it has helped. Some of it made it worse. More than anything, it has fueled this fired to push forward and just get better. Not only musically, but on all fronts: as a husband, Dad, be better to my closest friends and casual acquaintances. I want to take better care of myself, my house, my things, my emotions, my direction. I want to make records. I want to go play live. I want to just make great music again. Being without really makes you take stock in what you have.

So let us fast-forward to just yesterday, Thanksgiving 2019. Our house is done. Done. As in paint, cabinets, entire first floor flooring installed, lights, et al. Done. We added a new dog to complete our family (Our other two dogs are staying in Missouri). We have 3 adults, 2 children and another dog staying under our roof for the holiday. Yesterday Henry was running in circles around the house chasing one of our guests with his police siren, and I looked at Maegan and said ‘This is perfect’. I’ve been without a stove on which to cook and floors on which to walk for so long, I want to fill the house with people and just live.

And NONE of this would have happened without my strong Saint of a wife running this whole thing while I have been gone. She and the kids are resilient as can be, and have weathered a long and ridiculous storm. Thanks for making it all happen baby, and for sticking to your vision for what became a perfect house.

And now, as I type this, of course, I am on the road. Back at it for the Phil Vassar/Lonestar Christmas tour taking us nowhere warm. (They REALLY should have called the tour that). That will keep me busy for the next month or so. But there’s a lot more that I want to see happen after the first of the year.

Music. Lots of it. Through this ordeal, Maegan has left her job to be a full-time Mom. It’s a strain, but it’s life. I’ve had people ask what we need to get through all this fun stuff, and you know, I’ve asked people not to start a GoFundMe. I would rather just work harder, you know? Of course, if someone has a deal on an electric car I’ll listen- gas in the van to get the kids to school every day is a lot, but again, it’s all part of it.

I have a lot of time in the coming months (light schedule), so let’s make music. For me it always circles back to music. You need something produced, written (or erased?), some sub work, whatever. I got you.

I didn’t bring you all down this journal entry this far for a sales pitch. I just wanted to send out a big ol’ catch-up in lieu of coffee (although I do love coffee so), and give you all the real answers to the big questions.

And how is Miles doing with his implants? Well, yesterday were on the couch with him on my lap, and I simply said ‘I love you.’ He stopped what he was doing, turned and hugged me tight, then went back to his activity. OK, so he’s 2, and he is full of love, and he’s cute as the day is long. But our child – our deaf child – heard me and responded. I cannot be more thankful for what we’re going through. All of it.

So I learned a lot through all of this, and the kids were able to hotel swim a lot this summer, which isn’t all bad. I also feel I’ve learned enough about home renovation. As in, no thank you. But again, having a home in which to fix is pretty substantial, and as long and arduous an ordeal, I try to keep perspective.

Thanks for indulging me a few minutes of your time. Enjoy the rest of the day. I look forward to seeing you all in the New Year, and let’s hope 2020 gives us just that – a little 20/20 into how we can all be thankful on a daily basis.

See you on the road!